I know this sounds completely silly, but casting sides/spoilers for the upcoming tv season are starting to come out. It’s such a simple and silly thing, but they make me very happy.

This is one of the most heartbreaking, but somehow also generous, things I’ve read about in a long while.

I think most everyone has a few forgotten memories or moments tucked away in parts of their brains. Sometimes though, something as simple as a color or a sound can bring them back. Today, I had three such moments of remembering.

1.) It’s the first time in 7 years I’ve been home while they put up silage for the cows. I had forgotten how loud the blower and the unloader are when running out in the field behind the house.

2.) The intoxicating smells of dirt, land, and humid air at dusk as the suns last golden rays shine on bluegrass.

3.) The giddy excitement that accompanies the arrival of the Kentucky State Fair entry book in the mail. The last year has not been the easiest and for the first time in even longer, I didn’t just remember, but felt the same joy I felt as a child and teen–long before I knew what real problems and heartbreak are. Moments like those seem to be so rare and fleeting in adulthood, and I’ve wondered so many times in recent years if I’d ever feel untainted joy again.

I know this is going to sound corny, but I remembered today what it’s like to feel completely happy. For me, and the mental and emotional place I’ve been in for so long now–haunted by demons of self-doubt and lack of self-confidence that have left me frozen at times, unable to believe in myself, and so disconnected from the person that I used to be that I wondered if I’d ever see that girl again–that’s a pretty big thing.

Tonight, I remembered exactly why I used to drink during Las Vegas episodes during its later seasons…

(Spoilers be here)
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