I think most everyone has a few forgotten memories or moments tucked away in parts of their brains. Sometimes though, something as simple as a color or a sound can bring them back. Today, I had three such moments of remembering.
1.) It’s the first time in 7 years I’ve been home while they put up silage for the cows. I had forgotten how loud the blower and the unloader are when running out in the field behind the house.
2.) The intoxicating smells of dirt, land, and humid air at dusk as the suns last golden rays shine on bluegrass.
3.) The giddy excitement that accompanies the arrival of the Kentucky State Fair entry book in the mail. The last year has not been the easiest and for the first time in even longer, I didn’t just remember, but felt the same joy I felt as a child and teen–long before I knew what real problems and heartbreak are. Moments like those seem to be so rare and fleeting in adulthood, and I’ve wondered so many times in recent years if I’d ever feel untainted joy again.
I know this is going to sound corny, but I remembered today what it’s like to feel completely happy. For me, and the mental and emotional place I’ve been in for so long now–haunted by demons of self-doubt and lack of self-confidence that have left me frozen at times, unable to believe in myself, and so disconnected from the person that I used to be that I wondered if I’d ever see that girl again–that’s a pretty big thing.
Tonight, I remembered exactly why I used to drink during Las Vegas episodes during its later seasons…
(Spoilers be here)
(more…)
Those of you who knew me at the height of my DannyMary/Las Vegas fangirling in 2004/2005 will remember the little ritual I called exile. For those of you who didn’t know me back then, I was living in California at the time. Because of the whole time zones thing, the show aired a full 3 hours earlier on the East coast than it did in the Pacific Time Zone. Although I was completely spoiled on most episodes and read as many casting sides as I could get my hands on, I never wanted to know the exact details of each episode until I got to watch it play out on screen. I was weak though and didn’t trust myself not to cheat and look at the fanboards, so I’d turn off the computer at 6pm Pacific and it wouldn’t come back on until after the show was over at 10. I eventually gave up on this practice as Las Vegas continued to spiral downwards and the few times I tried it, I was treated to disastrous and unpleasant episodes. I decided it was best to be fully informed as to what I’d be getting myself into with each airing.
For some reason, Bones has been airing in Canada on Wednesday nights instead of Thursdays. The season finale has already aired there. There are already 611 comments on the Canadian discussion thread at a Bones LJ community I lurk on. I was good and didn’t open the thread, but I think I’m going to have to go on a Bones exile until I can get the episode and watch it. For me, this probably means Saturday at the earliest. Ugly Betty airs at the same time, and if I’m going to pay for something from iTunes–since streaming won’t work on my internet connection–it’s going to be one of my favorites and not the show that may be ditched from my tv line up after this season.
At least I possess a bit more will power than I did back in the day and can keep myself from Bones websites without having to keep the computer off for several days… I suppose we could call this progress of some sorts in regards to my fangirling tendencies.
Alex and Izzie got married! Alex and Izzie got married ! Alex and Izzie got married!
*sqqqqqqqqqqqqquuuuuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeee*
afjalsjfalsfjsdalkj
